Pear Pie
by The Marauders3
Summary: Joseph comes home to a little surprise


Title: Private Pepper Pie

**Title: **Pear Pie  
**By:** Mishka and dragoneye  
**Rating:** T  
**Summary:** Joseph comes home to a surprise  
**Dedicated To:** Cátia ;)

**Disclaimer:** We do not own The Princess Diaries.

O

It had been a long day of traveling, and Joseph was ready to be home. He exited the limo and walked up the front steps of the palace, looking forward to seeing his dear wife after his extended absence. 

Nothing had seemed to go right while he had been in Spain. The Spanish diplomats were very Spanish—that is, they drank too much, spent too much, and tried too much to get their trade agreements exactly the way they wanted them. It had been an exhausting experience. Joseph had succeeded in fulfilling Clarisse's wish for more equal trading terms, but it had not been easy. And now, he was exhausted, having missed his earlier train. He could not wait to see Clarisse again and have a good night's sleep with her in his arms. 

Finally he reached the doors of their shared suite and swept them open, expecting his wife to greet him with a smile and a kiss. However, Clarisse was nowhere to be found. This confused Joseph, but he surmised that she must be waiting for him in the bedroom. He smiled. He walked, rather quickly, to those doors and opened them. But Clarisse was not on the bed. Nor was she in the bathroom, which he checked. Now he was really confused. Where could she be? Suddenly he noticed the fire in the sitting room, surprised that he had not seen it before. Joseph went over to the fire, hoping Clarisse was on the couch in front of it. 

She was.

She was still in her normal day clothes, but her skirt was hiked up around her thighs and her shirt was mostly unbuttoned. This excited Joseph. However, the sight of Shades's hands unbuttoning her shirt and Shades's lips covering her mouth did nothing for Joseph's libido.

Joseph watched for a few moments, but he wasn't entirely sure why. Somehow the sight of another man making out with his wife captivated him. 

After a few moments, he cleared his throat and made his presence announced with the following words: "Enjoying yourself while I'm away, Clarisse?"

The couple on the couch broke apart hurriedly, Clarisse's mouth dropping even farther open than it had already been, Shades blushing for the first time in his life. Shades stood up. His voice was frantic as he spoke. "Joseph—Joe—I—we—it wasn't my fault! She attacked me! I just came into the security room and then she snogged me and we came up here and—oh god, don't kill me!"

Joseph cleared his throat again. Clarisse still stared back at him like a codfish, apparently lost for words. "I won't," he said. "However, I think you should cease your actions immediately and go back to your job." 

Without another word, Shades left.

Now Joseph was alone with his wife—at last! But she was still unable to speak, so he did the speaking for her. "Miss me much?"

Clarisse nodded and attempted to stammer out a response. "Oh, Joseph, you see, it's just that I—the bed was so lonely—he was just there—I couldn't help myself—oh Joseph, please forgive me!"

Joseph smirked, his manly pride bubbling up inside him at the thought of his wife missing him so much she couldn't control herself. He moved towards the couch and sat down beside Clarisse, placing his hands around her shoulders. She immediately leaned into him, burying her head in his shoulder, apparently out of shame. 

"Clarisse, my dear," Joseph said gently, wrapping his other arm around her, "did you really miss me THAT much?"

"Oh, Joseph," she sighed, "it was horrible. And so was Lionel."

Joseph looked at her and smiled wider, "Lionel?"

"Yes," she replied, "Lionel. I missed you so much that I had to try Lionel out. Then I came to the conclusion that he is utterly repulsive and older men are much better."

Joseph's eyes had a twinkle that Clarisse couldn't see, but his voice was completely serious. "Oh, so you went to that much older man, Shades."

"Oh, Joseph," Clarisse sighed again, lifting up her head to apologize to his face but being greeted by a smile. "You—you don't mind?" she asked, incredulous. He really thought it was funny?

Her husband was silent.

"There was no one else, Joseph, you weren't here." She looked at him with a red face, thoroughly embarrassed at her actions.

Still he said nothing.

"Joseph, say something! You aren't angry with me, are you?" Now she was worried that her husband, usually so kind and understanding, would go off in a mad rage because of her silly tryst. 

He smiled slowly. "You had to try Lionel?" With this, Clarisse found the humor in the situation and chuckled.

"And he was bad, I tell you." They both laughed and then sighed simultaneously. Joseph leaned in to catch his wife's lips in a little kiss. She willingly gave her entire being over to him, allowing her husband to take her hand in his and lead her to the bedroom, never removing his lips from hers.

They tumbled onto the bed, Joseph removing what little was left of her clothing and Clarisse ripping off all of his. 

Joseph now knew that he should never leave his wife alone again, so he proved to her that older men do have their advantages—even without Viagra.

THE END

Review and you get a piece of Joseph's delicious pie ;)


End file.
